And.. Β I forgot my blog anniversary.Β 

February 3rd,2017 was the day when I came home after attending college, had my lunch and sat down with my laptop and made an account here.  Honestly,  I was really excited for this blog and a little bit scared too because  I’m not blessed with the ability to write.  

In fact I had never even thought of having a place where I’d post my write ups; write ups?  Well,  let’s just say feelings.  

It all started when I used to be motivated by my friend who encouraged me to give it a try Atleast.  I remember at that time all I could manage to write was “.”  this,  yes.. A dot.  

But after some months a college mate told me to have a blog or something and I wondered what do they all see in me which I can’t, and after few days,  I decided to make an account. 

I have realized that sometimes the decisions we make without thinking much leads us to better places and that was what happened.  

I remember each and every post I have been appreciated for and all the likes and comments bring a smile on my face because that means a lot. 

I have shared most of my emotions here, have read others emotions and after reading something written by someone I hardly know & feeling like each and every word was written for me; I have reached to a point where I feel like we all are same.  We all go through same dilemmas, same emotions, almost same struggles but only the level changes.  

Today,  when I realized that I forgot I have completed a year,  I was a bit annoyed because how could I forget something so important.  

Anyway,  thank  you all for being here to read whatever I write.  I hope I’ll keep trying to become better and I’ll keep posting.  

At last,  belated happy blog anniversary to “an ambivert”.

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The last book I read. Β 

https://www.writemore.in/The-last-book-I-read/

Few months ago,  I was working as an intern for a website and while looking for the very first idea of my post, I came up with the thought of writing my unexpressed feelings for the book I had recently read and loved hoping writing about them would probably be the best way to express as the ‘talking’ thing had failed.  

I wrote whatever I could think of at that moment and drive myself out of on the screen and every time I read it,  I feel a bit contented and silly too for the numerous spelling errors but I don’t correct them because 1- I’m too lazy and 2- because it reminds of how fast I was typing then,  wondering not to miss anything in my mind (this one is just a cover up; I’m lazyπŸ˜…) 

Anyway,   so my thoughts are a link away and if you have read the book too,  I’d be glad to hear yours. 

The highland girl…

            Rushing down through the alleys

            to the place we had first met, 

           It’s been  years waiting, craving, 

               But haven’t seen you yet.  


      No debris would halt my pilgrimage, 

        no height would tremble my feet, 

  Not until  I have a glimpse of you, yet I fleet

  and find myself captivated in a bewitching

                              Bondage. 


       I make my way through the ledges

                 And woods so brown, 

   Despite the weather chill, incompetent            bridges, 

   I pursue further and don’t make a frown. 


           I try to reminisce the passage, 

          go as far as I could remember 

        the breeze seems to be giving me a                    message, 

        to cease, ramble and surrender. 


  Our antecedent convergence wasn’t a                                   graceful one, 

She advanced to a barn for some mysterious                            errands, 

      in hope to see her again, I’m worn

   when I ultimately reached the highlands. 



      I gaze at the barn with some subtle                                      fascination, 

              timid of her appearance 

     the graveled driveway  captivated my                             unstable attention, 

   And deceived my mind to a better stance.


 
    A million thoughts in my mind prevail, 

               a million more to say,  

        See her before the sun sets, I pray

           see her before I become frail. 


Sun begins to descend, sky begins to drizzle, 

        Chirping of whitish birds waned

       fate ostensibly getting less reliable, 

              as nothing to be blamed. 


      Hours passed, zeal seems to falter, 

  I convince my mind to refrain my hunt 

   my courage seems to be losing  rafter

     after I made an attempt so blunt. 


       I advance to a plateau in vicinity, 

          Overwhelmed by dismay, 

   an abrupt breeze brings me in amenity

       and  I’m left with nothing to say.  


     Her essence was almost palpable, 

   capable enough to shallow my breath

 with an unexpected grind, I’m again viable, 

abandoning my tread,  and resemble a sloth.


    With no contemplation,  I gaze ahead, 

    serendipitously, she seems to advance

 wearing a lustrous half and wings spread,   

    makes me adamant with my peculiar                                          glance. 


            She apparently looks at me, 

        No sign of astonishment appeared 

       When our emotions failed to agree, 

     Would she recognize me?  I wondered. 


     Her adorable looks leaves me dazzled, 

        Scenting the aura that surrounds, 

       Like a rejuvenated bird, I wobbled 

     Out of elation, I may lose my grounds. 


    Her glistening eyes are so mesmerizing, 

            Worthy of relentless praise, 

            Agitation feels to be arising, 

  Seeing her elegant hair, I wish to embrace.  


           My heart begins to pound, 

              As she comes closer, 

  I wave a hello,  regardless of how it may                                    sound 

and her reaction enthralls me with seizure


     With due affirmation, she smiles in                                         response. 

Curious to know her name, I inquire with a                                   sigh

        Malika, she answers in elance

  Pause for a moment and then just pass by


             Nothing else I could say

        Nothing else I could do as well

 Reckoning a thousand ways to make her                                       stay

her presence elates my profoundly, I dwell


  brusque, our meeting might have been

 although my adoration was ardent and                                       keen 

    she wasn’t less than a lovely dream

  now let me end up with this, before you                                    scream πŸ˜›


Ps:-  well, this is  one of the best gifts I ever got, as someone’s inspiration for his first poem ever. I got this present in july, 2015( I remember vividly)  and I still can’t believe that I’m the one described in the paragraphs above.  This poem made me feel that maybe I’m special too. I don’t even know what to say. 

Anyway, whoever has managed to reach till here and is reading this right now,  please let me know what do you think about it??  I’d be glad to know.  



 


Scared & stuck!Β 

I was born in 1998 and I’m 19, so as per the constitution, an adult. 

I have spent 19 whole years of my life ;okay let’s just deduct some childhood years say 18 πŸ™„!!  Who am I kidding, I’m still a child. So basically, life has been giving a little hard time to this little 19 year old girl.  πŸ™„

I’m one of those people who don’t even know what they have to achieve, where they want to go. 

 If I try to visualize,  right now I’m probably walking on an unknown path at a freezing dark winter night and all I can see is nothing  because everything around me is layered with fog.

 I can’t stay still because it’s dark & scary but my feet are trembling while moving because I’m not sure, I might fall into a ditch or something. The thing is you never know.  

There isn’t a full proof plan for everything, is it? 

Life has been so,  so unexpected and my “last year was complicated”, relationship,  health and career wise and considering what has been happening these days, I’m  feeling this year is not going to bring any less troubles, overwhelming thoughts,  health issues and nights when you overthink about everything!  

Trying to sort out the relationships  but what about my career??  

Sometimes, when I’m really happy or I’m laughing hard, out of nowhere this career thought pops up and bam!!  I feel depressed.  

Whenever someone asks what are my future plans, i say let’s see with a fake smile but trust me I scream internally at the face of that person saying I goddamn don’t know!!  πŸ˜Ά I am blankkkkkkkkk!!!  

Nothing helps. Even the best motivational or the imprint of an inspiring story lasts for a day or two, maximum a week &  after that I’m back to my own business which includes 

– Lying lifeless on bed and endless scrolling. 

– procrastinating till you’re tired of it.  

– and sleep like a koala!! 

People say that find what you love or your hobbies and make it your career.  

But I’m good at nothing! Though I have got a lot of hobbies like reading, dancing(oh please 😢) , singing out loud until my neighbors start cursing my existence, cooking (I don’t know how to even make a nice cup of teaπŸ˜›).  

I have heard a lot of people saying that they had never thought they would be wherever they are now or they had never chose this path for themselves or they had to struggle a lot before settling or that they never had a plan. . 

These lines made me think that probably, it is okay not to have a plan but now I believe that at least you should know where you are heading right??  

But I don’t even have a pla- 

I genuinely don’t.  

I read this quote somewhere that “90% people don’t know what they are doing and the 10% who know are just pretending”. 

I don’t know why everything seems so easy when the idea comes into mind but when it comes to execute it,  the miss ‘I can’t do this’  appears. 

I really need to sort this mess inside my head but I don’t know how to?  

From where should I get that torch that would probably make my vision better at this foggy path I’m walking at.  

Trust me,  right now, I don’t know where my life is taking me  and I’m not even sure how to handle this.

Still,  I have got a hope that I’ll end up okay,  that whoever is reading or would read this(wondering what the hell this girl has written) and people I don’t even know exist would end up okay.  

Hope the ones Like me would find their path soon.  ( and so will, I)  

But for now,  fingers crossed!  

  

Liebster Award. Β 

Hey there, I am Malika and I kind of have forgotten what else I should write about myself. HAHA. Well, this wordpress journey has been full of unexpected turns and here comes another because I have been nominated for the liebster awards by a fellow blogger, The Arrow Preacher or AP for short who writes amazing and is a really sweet person πŸ™‚ . I am greatful to have such great followers and I really like to read your write-ups. Thank you so much for nominating my name. Hey, do check out his blog

https://thearrowpreacher.wordpress.com/

Now about the Liebster awards:
The word Liebster is derived from german meaning sweetest, kindest, nicest, beloved  and the like. This award is given to up coming bloggers with less than 200 followers. I would like to thank The Arrow Preacher  again for this opportunity to nominate people like me, who like to write.  The number of readers, that doesn’t matter. 

Rules
1- thank the person who has nominated you.
2- Answer the questions.
3- Nominate 5-11 blogs and let them know about the nomination.
4- Ask them 11 questions.

Now, the questions (the difficult part)
I’ll try my best and hope I won’t disappoint.

1- Reading my blog, what is your favorite post?
Well, my favorite post is the true lies simply because I could relate to it. People generally say that they understand you but the truth is they don’t. In all, though it was a sad post but writing is all about pouring your heart out so I liked it. 

2-With the holidays quickly approaching, what is your favorite holiday  and why?
I like Halloween because it has got really great vibes, people getting all creative with their costumes and  how can I forget Candies…

3-Would you spend time with your family, or go out on a quiet getaway for two?
I would definitely spend time with my family and by family I mean my whole huge punjabi family because I have got a crazy one , thank heavens.

4-If you were trapped on a deserted forested island what two items (non communications) would you want?
The two items I would want is books and food.

5- If you had only 1 option to spend 4 days at any place in the world, where would you choose and why?
I would like to spend those days at a place where I can stay in touch with nature and watch the northern lights because they are so beautiful.

6-Halloween is coming up and you can have any choice in costume you want, money is not an option, what do you choose?
I love Halloween but we don’t really celebrate it in India. There are some  Halloween parties though. But  I would like to dress up as spudnik maybe, because I love friends or maybe as Fat Monica. HAHA.

7- How far would you go to stop a bully?
Luckily I haven’t encountered any. I would do every possible things that I can do under my limits to stop a bully but I would make sure I won’t do any such harm to anybody.

8-As the world grows more hateful every year, what do you do to avoid being sucked into the political theater?

I am really  the black sheep in this case. All I do is trust my vibes and stay away from people and situations giving out negative vibes because I believe that vibes don’t  lie. 

9-With 2017 coming to an end what is something you are looking forward to in 2018?
I have already set some goals for the next year. I really hope to stay determined and to fulfill them by the end of next year.

10-If you had one superhuman  superpower, what would that be and why?
I would like to have the ability to run fast because I don’t know why I am always late.
Also I would like to have an ability to read minds because the fact that one can never know the actual intentions of someone towards you scares me the most.

11-And to set the record straight, who would win in a match, batman,or superman?
Superman. I don’t have any reasons for that. I like  batman too. πŸ˜›

My turn to ask the questions 

Q1- What do you think should be my inspiration for my next write-up? 

Q2- Which is your favorite non-fiction book and why? 

Q3- What is the rudest thing someone has ever said to you and how did you respond?  

Q4- What is the best life lesson you have ever learned from a fictional character?  

Q5- Change the past or see the future.  What would you choose?  

Q6- What inspired you to start writing? 

Q7- What would you do or how would you help when you would come to know that your friend or a loved one is suffering from a mental disease or disorder say schizophrenia?  

Q8- What is your opinion about ‘life’?  

Q9- Share your best traveling experience.  

Q10 –  What is The most bizarre thing in your bucket list?  

Q11- Define yourself in a word or in a line.
 
 And now the nominations 😬

Ambardhara. https://ambardhara.wordpress.com

Manasi Umanita  https://mumbaistoryteller.wordpress.com

Random stranger

Being  Malika https://malikaali.wordpress.com

Amomentcaptured. https://amomentcapturedblog.wordpress.com

Ps- The arrow preacher, thanks again for nominating me. You can also answer my questions.  I would love to read them.  πŸ™‚  

And again..Β 

She broke her promise.. 

The same promise she made to herself so many times that she doesn’t even remember the count anymore.  

It is the same promise she made to herself with an utmost intention to keep it this time.  

She was determined  just like all the other days, just like all the other times.  

She cried herself to sleep, craved, became restless but always managed to wipe her tears away because this time,  she had to try her best.  

But then, he came back again, just like a gush of wind & no matter how hard she tried,  she broke… Again. 

Because she knows she is weak in front of him. 

Because she knows he knows her weak chords. 

Because she knows, that he knows ‘HE’  is her weakness.. 

And again she broke that one promise.. To stay away from him this time.  

And again, just like a moth, she went back to the flame, only to burn herself, again.. 

Emptiness..Β 

Walking along with a smile on my face in a crowd full of people, whom I know nothing about, in a city with a beautiful shimmery bright side & another side full of dark people and dark faces. 

She realised how empty everyone is. As people are becoming rich and successful ,their hearts are getting empty & shallow instead of deep with love. 

We wake up in the morning, put on a mask and get ready for the day. Passing smiles, sharing laughters, taking with friends and family but nobody notices the emptiness in those eyes. 

No matter who we are, what we are, where we have come from, as we move forward and grow, we keep leaving behind a part of us in our past forever , the part which is never going to come back. 

And that is what makes us empty. 

We all know but still feel that we are unaware. 

But at the end of the day, when we look at the mirror, we can look at those missing pieces, those empty parts and can realise that everyone is incomplete. 

That we all are filled with emptiness.. 

Mirror..

Whenever I look at the mirror, I see a girl who looks exactly like me,but still is completely different.

She always looks at me with a certain shine in her brown eyes. 

Whenever I smile at her, she never forgets to smile back. 

She knows each & every tear I’ve shed till today and always cries along with me. 

She becomes my shoulder whenever I need one. 

She knows what I want from life & helps me know how to achieve it. 

She shows me a confident version of myself, forces me to never give up and motivates me..always. 

She dances along & becomes messy with me. 

She is my one & only best friend because she tells me the truth, no matter how hard it is.

She helps me to see into my soul.

I wonder whether she thinks the same about me too. I hope I am her healer too. 

No matter how busy we both are, we never forget to meet everyday. 

I wish she could come out of that world & we could be together all the time. But maybe we are supposed to be like this.She,into her parallel universe & I in mine. 

Dear Cousin..

I want to say that I miss you.. 

I miss the time when we all used to play together, barefeet on the heap of sand..

I miss the time when I used to tie a rakhi on your wrist.. 

I miss the time when you used to cook those soupy noodles for us which, by the way, used to look disgusting but tasted amazing.. 

I miss the time when  I used to watch you sing beautifully , playing the strings of the guitar, making sure that you can’t see me.

I miss the time when we all used to go to tours along with chachu (uncle)..

I miss the time when we went to that competiton and how cute it was when you gave the wrong answer and started crying. Do you remember that we won it?

I miss the time when we all went to buy the new car with chachu (uncle)..and had the best time..

I miss that brown frame which had your childhood picture with an innocent smile, a bald head and orange sweater. It was my favourite..

I miss attending your birthday parties. They used to be the best.

I miss that time when you used to talk to me about facts and science. I always knew that you’re the smartest amongst all of us..

I miss the time when we all used to watch movies and play games on your computer.. Let me remind you we watched taare zameen par, my friend ganesha, bal hanuman and the list goes on.. 

I miss the time when we used to go at beeji’s ( grandma’s) house in the evening and sing prayers together.. 

I miss the time when I used to watch you all skating and cycling together.. 

I miss the time when family disputes never used to get into the way of our love and bond.. 

But now..

I don’t even remember the last time I saw you and we had a nice conversation.. I don’t even remember the last time we celebrated diwali ( Indian festival of lights) together.. I don’t even know how are you doing.. I don’t even remember when was the last time you replied “thank you” when I wished you on your b’day..  

It’s been years brother..and again, today is your 19th birthday. Let me tell you that I miss you and always pray for your well being. I know with all those years passed, a lot of things have changed and I may not be your sister anymore but for me.. 

You were, are and always will be my brother. 

I miss you a lot

( sorry, stole the picture from Facebook) 

Happy birthday..

Love.. 

Your little sister. ( well, just a few days younger  πŸ˜› ) 

Yes..!! I am selenophillic..

Selenophillia- A condition in which a person feels affectionate towards moon and find it soothing and captivating.

I am glad that finally lurking on those useless social media apps turned out to be fruitful. Who knew that while scrolling down I would read a fact, a post that would finally help me put this wierd affection towards moon into words.

Yes.. Moon!! Sounds weird? But not to me.. People don’t even notice it but I don’t miss watching it even for a single day ( of course except for the new moon night). I don’t even remember how old I was when this affection, rather I should use the word “obsession” started but all I know is my day is never complete until I see it. 

Back in my childhood, I still remember I used to wave at it every night and tell my little friends and family that I see a pair of eyes and a beautiful curve on it, just like the one formed on our face when we smile. They might have believed it the. But now.. They laugh at me when I tell them that  whenever I look at it, I still see it. Maybe it smiles just for me. And no matter how sad or upset I am, it never fails to make me smile back at it. So now.. It’s not just a moon, it’s a smiling moon. I  remember  in my growing years I had stared wishing to become an astraunaut. Because I always wanted to touch it’s surface, I wanted to see how my little world looks like from there.

 But life had planned something else for me. Maybe I was always supposed to love it and enjoy it’s serene beauty from this distance as some things are meant to be always loved and cherished but.. From a distance…