The site of our future remains closed. No one visits it anymore. You are out there building your future with someone else, picked up a new site. Everything is new and the latest and I’m here picking up a spot to build up a new house of my own, alone this time. The first thing I’ve bought is a fence. Because I know I’ll keep the fence as high as I can and also a bookshelf. These two would probably be my shield.
The road to my new site passes by from the remains of the one we left. I see that place ruining day by day.
Whenever I look at it, I sigh in defeat.
Your new site belongs far, far away from here. I’m sure you’ve forgotten you still share a piece of land with me… On which the remains stand still.
I wonder if you ever turn your car around and drive this far to come back and see how it looks like. How much it has changed? Though I know the answer already, I still do.
I do wonder if you stand outside to take a brief look at it, to see where we had put each and every brick together. I wonder if you wonder what would have happened had I stayed, you stayed and we worked on it??
But it’s too late to fix it and neither of us has the energy to do that.
Now we just share a piece of land, nothing more and nothing less than that.
Ps- inspired by a poem I read recently.
I asked you for your t-shirt, the other day..
You said what would I do with it, where would I keep it, when will I wear it??
Honestly, I had not thought about that either.
I just wanted it, something that smelled like you.. And so I had it.
After you left, guess what was still there?? Your t-shirt.
I smelled it all the time, wore it as many times as I could.. Wrapped myself around it like a safety blanket to sleep with.
I lost my home, now that home belongs to someone else but at least I had something, a souvenir of that place which was mine; a souvenir which is mine.
Time passed by and so did my dependence on your t-shirt. It felt like you are around me.
Until one day I saw flies buzzing around it, indicating it stinks. I shooed them away many times but they came back.
So, I realized I need to wash it.
It took everything out of me to put it into the machine because I knew what would happen and as it swirled around with water and detergent, I could feel your smell fading away.
I dried it up in the sunlight which evaporated every last scent of you.. Slowly as the day passed by.
At the end of the day, I took back inside my laundry.. Folded them with some music on
But when my hands touched your t-shirt, I stopped to see of there is anything left.. I hoped maybe there is some of you lurking there..
But I was wrong.. It does not smell like you anymore..
So what did I do with it?
I put it into a hanger safely in my wardrobe.
The t-shirt is still there, it always will be, I love it and look at it every time I’m searching for clothes. I’d wear it too.
I can’t throw it away..
But now it reminds me more of myself, than you.. Because now, it smells like me
Now it belongs to me and only me.
I went out of my house once, following the rainbow to search where it ends.. What lies there? A mysterious place or maybe treasure? I didn’t know. I kept walking and walking only to realize the rainbow kept in moving farther, the more I tried to get closer the farther it went. My feet started moving faster and I started running so fast that I was huffing. But then, for once I stopped and closed my eyes to catch my breath..
And within seconds it disappeared. Gone. Forever.
And I came back home.. With a lesson, that the rainbow I saw was just a myth, that there are no treasures at the end, that rainbows end nowhere… 🙂
Picture credits- Google.
Every bibliophile could probably relate to the way I’m feeling today because it’s one of my favorite book characters’ birthday. So I can’t help but be happy that he turned 26 today.
I finished the series of 5 books in about two weeks, all because that character latched onto me so much.
I remember finishing the last part of the book with tears in my eyes, reading the last line Atleast a couple of times before accepting that it’s over, that now I know everything about what happened, how he ended up and with whom. The first thing I did was scribble my very first thoughts in my notepad (which I generally do after reading a great book or watching a good movie). After that, all I could do was listen to his favorite song, and cover myself in my blanket.
The worst part of being in a book comma is when you don’t find anyone to talk about it and despite of forcing conversation on a couple of people and getting a hell lot of eye rolls, I still haven’t poured out my feelings to anyone completely.
It has been almost 20 days but I’m still hung up on the book.. On him. And I could not help myself but dedicate a post to him, on his birthday.
The way he fought with the demons in his head, with every single problem and turned himself from a spoiled brat to a man with a great career is something I loved the most.
I personally feel that if I’d meet a character like him in person, I’d probably look at him as if he’s trouble, like everyone did, like he thought of himself. But then again, that is what this character is about. It shows not to judge anyone on his appearance or his past and no matter what happens, how strong your demons are inside your head, you can always win them once you make a decision.
He taught me there is no way that your past can define you, unless you let it; that you can change.. For yourself.
At last, all I want to say is I’m proud of you and I wish Hardin Allen Scott a very happy birthday.
I hope Karen or Nora and Tessa made you a great cake which you enjoyed with a family you finally have. 😊
Ps- Couldn’t help myself but post this from one of your favorite books ❤️
Two years ago, I started this blog with zero clue about what I’d write or how I’m going to manage it and now that I look back, I see myself as a completely new person. I’m still not sure if I can still write well but at least I know that maybe I can scribble something meaningful with the combination of some words. 😅
I’m glad that this year I did not forget my blog anniversary unlike the last one but still I’m not happy that it took me almost whole day to sit down and be here, talking about it.
The day is about to end and I’m really thankful for being here, that I’m writing this and I’m also thankful for all the support, to everyone who liked what I shared with them and appreciated it. Also, whoever is reading this right now, thank you for your time.. For being here, for always being around. 😊
At last, happy second anniversary to ‘an ambivert’ and hopefully there are many more to come… Yay!! 🙂
Finally, I’m shedding my old skin.
And watching as the new one is growing on me.
Finally I have got my hair all grown up.
I look different, way more different than before.
I speak in a different way..
Think different and feel different.
But I’m confused, about this change.. I’m confused where this new girl is taking me..
Is she making me a better person or destroying me..
These new thoughts are beautiful but I’m scared if they are isolating me.
I’m afraid at what path she is taking me, hoping it would not lead to my end.
But I have already held her hand because I have no choice.
I like her, but I’m afraid to trust her..
I love to be with her, but it is hard to believe her..
She won’t wish for anything bad for me.. After all she lives inside me, right?
this change… I’m loving it.. I really am..
But still, there is a fear..
I don’t know why I’m afraid, guess I have always been..
Afraid to breathe.. Afraid to express, afraid to be me..
Well, feels like I’m not sure what she would bring to the table once she’d be here.
Slowly, I’m shedding my old phase away, preparing for a new one.. It is exciting, But it’s making my fingers rough.. It’s itching me.. Leaving numerous cuts, making me bleed..
I’m afraid but I’m glad..
Because I’m slowly leaving my old self in the past..
Because I’m shedding my old self awayy..
Picture credit – https://ashortconversation.com/2018/07/12/hands/
February 3rd,2017 was the day when I came home after attending college, had my lunch and sat down with my laptop and made an account here. Honestly, I was really excited for this blog and a little bit scared too because I’m not blessed with the ability to write.
In fact I had never even thought of having a place where I’d post my write ups; write ups? Well, let’s just say feelings.
It all started when I used to be motivated by my friend who encouraged me to give it a try Atleast. I remember at that time all I could manage to write was “.” this, yes.. A dot.
But after some months a college mate told me to have a blog or something and I wondered what do they all see in me which I can’t, and after few days, I decided to make an account.
I have realized that sometimes the decisions we make without thinking much leads us to better places and that was what happened.
I remember each and every post I have been appreciated for and all the likes and comments bring a smile on my face because that means a lot.
I have shared most of my emotions here, have read others emotions and after reading something written by someone I hardly know & feeling like each and every word was written for me; I have reached to a point where I feel like we all are same. We all go through same dilemmas, same emotions, almost same struggles but only the level changes.
Today, when I realized that I forgot I have completed a year, I was a bit annoyed because how could I forget something so important.
Anyway, thank you all for being here to read whatever I write. I hope I’ll keep trying to become better and I’ll keep posting.
At last, belated happy blog anniversary to “an ambivert”.