Your t-shirt 

I asked you for your t-shirt, the other day.. 

You said what would I do with it, where would I keep it, when will I wear it??  

Honestly, I had not thought about that either. 

I just wanted it, something that smelled like you.. And so I had it.  

After you left, guess what was still there?? Your t-shirt.  

I smelled it all the time, wore it as many times as I could.. Wrapped myself around it like a safety blanket to sleep with.  

I lost my home, now that home belongs to someone else but at least I had something, a souvenir of that place which was mine; a souvenir which is mine.  

Time passed by and so did my dependence on your t-shirt. It felt like you are around me. 

Until one day I saw flies buzzing around it,  indicating it stinks.  I shooed them away many times but they came back.  

So, I realized I need to wash it.

It took everything out of me to put it into the machine because I knew what would happen and as it swirled around with water and detergent, I could feel your smell fading away.  

I dried it up in the sunlight which evaporated every last scent of you.. Slowly as the day passed by.  

At the end of the day, I took back inside my laundry.. Folded them with some music on  

But when my hands touched your t-shirt, I stopped to see of there is anything left..  I hoped maybe there is some of you lurking there.. 

But I was wrong..  It does not smell like you anymore..  

So what did I do with it?  

I put it into a hanger safely in my wardrobe.  

The t-shirt is still there, it always will be, I love it and look at it every time I’m searching for clothes. I’d wear it too. 

 I can’t throw it away..

But now it reminds me more of myself, than you.. Because now, it smells like me 
Now it belongs to me and only me.  

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I’m okay. 

I have been okay for a really long time, I don’t even remember how long has it been. Maybe so long that I have stopped breaking out of it.  
Maybe now I’m okay with being okay..                        

    
Image- screenshot of excerpt from “after ever happy”  by Anna Todd.  

Where rainbows end? 

​I went out of my house once, following the rainbow to search where it ends.. What lies there? A mysterious place or maybe treasure? I didn’t know.  I kept walking and walking only to realize the rainbow kept in moving farther, the more I tried to get closer the farther it went.  My feet started moving faster and I started running so fast that I was huffing. But then, for once I stopped and closed my eyes to catch my breath..  
And within seconds it disappeared. Gone.  Forever.  

And I came back home..  With a lesson, that the rainbow I saw was just a myth, that there are no treasures at the end, that rainbows end nowhere…  🙂 

Picture credits- Google.  

Happy birthday.  

Every bibliophile could probably relate to the way I’m feeling today because it’s one of my favorite book characters’ birthday. So I can’t help but be happy that he turned 26 today.  

I finished the series of 5 books in about two weeks, all because that character latched onto me so much. 

I remember finishing the last part of the book with tears in my eyes, reading the last line Atleast a couple of times before accepting that it’s over, that now I know everything about what happened,  how he ended up and with whom. The first thing I did was scribble my very first thoughts in my notepad (which I generally do after reading a great book or watching a good movie).  After that, all I could do was listen to his favorite song, and cover myself in my blanket.  

The worst part of being in a book comma is when you don’t find anyone to talk about it and despite of forcing conversation on a couple of people and getting a hell lot of eye rolls, I still haven’t poured out my feelings to anyone completely.  

It has been almost 20 days but I’m still hung up on the book..  On him.  And I could not help myself but dedicate a post to him, on his birthday. 

The way he fought with the demons in his head, with every single problem and turned himself from a spoiled brat to a man with a great career is something I loved the most.  

I personally feel that if I’d meet a character like him in person, I’d probably look at  him as if he’s trouble, like everyone did, like he thought of himself.  But then again, that is what this character is about. It shows not to judge anyone on his appearance or his past and no matter what happens, how strong your demons are inside your head, you can always win them once you make a decision.  

He taught me there is no way that your past can define you, unless you let it; that you can change.. For yourself.  

At last, all I want to say is I’m proud of you and I wish Hardin Allen Scott a very happy birthday.  

I hope Karen or Nora and Tessa made you a great cake which you enjoyed with a family you finally have.  😊

Ps- Couldn’t help myself but post this from one of your favorite books ❤️

Two years. 


Two years ago, I started this blog with zero clue about what I’d write or how I’m going to manage it and now that I look back, I see myself as a completely new person.  I’m still not sure if I can still write well but at least I know that maybe I can scribble something meaningful with the combination of some words.  😅

I’m glad that this year I did not forget my blog anniversary unlike the last one but still I’m not happy that it took me almost whole day to sit down and be here, talking about it. 

The day is about to end and I’m really thankful for being here, that I’m writing this and I’m also thankful for all the support, to everyone who liked what I shared with them and appreciated it.  Also, whoever is reading this right now, thank you for your time.. For being here, for always being around.  😊

At last, happy second anniversary to ‘an ambivert’ and hopefully there are many more to come… Yay!!  🙂  

Semicolon


Instead of a full stop our story is full of semicolons because no matter how hard we try,  maybe there are some more sentences left; 

maybe we aren’t over yet. 

Finally.. 

Finally, I’m shedding my old skin.  

And watching as the new one is growing on me.  

Finally I have got my hair all grown up.  

I look different,  way more different than before.  

I speak in a different way..  

Think different and feel different.  

But I’m confused, about this change.. I’m confused where this new girl is taking me.. 

Is she making me a better person or destroying me..  

These new thoughts are beautiful but I’m scared if they are isolating me.  

I’m afraid at what path she is taking me,  hoping it would not lead to my end.  

But I have already held her hand because I have no choice.  

I like her,  but I’m afraid to trust her..  

I love to be with her,  but it is hard to believe  her..  

She won’t wish for anything bad for me..  After all she lives inside me, right?  

 this change…  I’m loving it..  I really am..  

But still,  there is a fear..  

I don’t know why I’m afraid, guess I have always been..  

Afraid to breathe..  Afraid to express, afraid to be me..  

Well,  feels like I’m not sure what she would bring to the table once she’d be here.  

Slowly, I’m shedding my old phase away,  preparing for a new one..  It is exciting, But it’s making my fingers rough..  It’s itching me.. Leaving numerous cuts, making me bleed..  

I’m afraid but I’m glad.. 

Why?? 

Because I’m slowly leaving my old self in the past.. 

Because I’m shedding my old self awayy..

Picture credit –  https://ashortconversation.com/2018/07/12/hands/

And..  I forgot my blog anniversary. 

February 3rd,2017 was the day when I came home after attending college, had my lunch and sat down with my laptop and made an account here.  Honestly,  I was really excited for this blog and a little bit scared too because  I’m not blessed with the ability to write.  

In fact I had never even thought of having a place where I’d post my write ups; write ups?  Well,  let’s just say feelings.  

It all started when I used to be motivated by my friend who encouraged me to give it a try Atleast.  I remember at that time all I could manage to write was “.”  this,  yes.. A dot.  

But after some months a college mate told me to have a blog or something and I wondered what do they all see in me which I can’t, and after few days,  I decided to make an account. 

I have realized that sometimes the decisions we make without thinking much leads us to better places and that was what happened.  

I remember each and every post I have been appreciated for and all the likes and comments bring a smile on my face because that means a lot. 

I have shared most of my emotions here, have read others emotions and after reading something written by someone I hardly know & feeling like each and every word was written for me; I have reached to a point where I feel like we all are same.  We all go through same dilemmas, same emotions, almost same struggles but only the level changes.  

Today,  when I realized that I forgot I have completed a year,  I was a bit annoyed because how could I forget something so important.  

Anyway,  thank  you all for being here to read whatever I write.  I hope I’ll keep trying to become better and I’ll keep posting.  

At last,  belated happy blog anniversary to “an ambivert”.

The last book I read.  

https://www.writemore.in/The-last-book-I-read/

Few months ago,  I was working as an intern for a website and while looking for the very first idea of my post, I came up with the thought of writing my unexpressed feelings for the book I had recently read and loved hoping writing about them would probably be the best way to express as the ‘talking’ thing had failed.  

I wrote whatever I could think of at that moment and drive myself out of on the screen and every time I read it,  I feel a bit contented and silly too for the numerous spelling errors but I don’t correct them because 1- I’m too lazy and 2- because it reminds of how fast I was typing then,  wondering not to miss anything in my mind (this one is just a cover up; I’m lazy😅) 

Anyway,   so my thoughts are a link away and if you have read the book too,  I’d be glad to hear yours. 

The highland girl…

 Rushing down through the alleys 

to the place we had first met, 

 It’s been  years waiting, craving, 

But haven’t seen you yet.  


  No debris would halt my pilgrimage,

 no height would tremble my feet, 

Not until  I have a glimpse of you, yet I fleet

and find myself captivated in a bewitching  Bondage. 


 I make my way through the ledge
And woods so brown,

Despite the weather chill, incompetent bridges,       

I pursue further and don’t make a frown. 


 I try to reminisce the passage,

 go as far as I could remember

the breeze seems to be giving me a message,                    

to cease, ramble and surrender. 


 Our antecedent convergence wasn’t a graceful one,  

She advanced to a barn for some mysterious errands,

in hope to see her again, I’m worn

when I ultimately reached the highlands. 


I gaze at the barn with some subtle fascination, 

timid of her appearance 

the graveled driveway  captivated my unstable attention, 

And deceived my mind to a better stance.


  A million thoughts in my mind prevail, 

 a million more to say,

 See her before the sun sets, I pray

see her before I become frail. 


Sun begins to descend, sky begins to drizzle,

Chirping of whitish birds waned  

fate ostensibly getting less reliable, 

 as nothing to be blamed. 


 Hours passed, zeal seems to falter, 

 I convince my mind to refrain my hunt 

 my courage seems to be losing  rafter

 after I made an attempt so blunt. 


 I advance to a plateau in vicinity, 
Overwhelmed by dismay, 

an abrupt breeze brings me in amenity

and  I’m left with nothing to say.  


 Her essence was almost palpable, 

capable enough to shallow my breath

with an unexpected grind, I’m again viable, 

abandoning my tread,  and resemble a sloth.


With no contemplation,  I gaze ahead, 

serendipitously, she seems to advance

wearing a lustrous half and wings spread,   

 makes me adamant with my peculiar  glance. 


 She apparently looks at me, 

No sign of astonishment appeared 

When our emotions failed to agree, 

Would she recognize me?  I wondered. 


 Her adorable looks leaves me dazzled, 

Scenting the aura that surrounds, 

Like a rejuvenated bird, I wobbled, 

Out of elation, I may lose my grounds. 


 Her glistening eyes are so mesmerizing, 

Worthy of relentless praise, 

Agitation feels to be arising, 

Seeing her elegant hair, I wish to embrace.  


My heart begins to pound,

As she comes closer,

I wave a hello,  regardless of how it may sound  

and her reaction enthralls me with seizure


With due affirmation, she smiles in response. 

Curious to know her name, I inquire with a sigh                           

Malika, she answers in elance

Pause for a moment and then just pass by


Nothing else I could say

Nothing else I could do as well

Reckoning a thousand ways to make her stay                                

her presence elates my profoundly, I dwell


 brusque, our meeting might have been
although my adoration was ardent and keen                                  

she wasn’t less than a lovely dream

now let me end up with this, before you scream😛


Ps:-  well, this is  one of the best gifts I ever got, as someone’s inspiration for his first poem ever. I got this present in july, 2015( I remember vividly)  and I still can’t believe that I’m the one described in the paragraphs above.  This poem made me feel that maybe I’m special too. I don’t even know what to say. 

Anyway, whoever has managed to reach till here and is reading this right now,  please let me know what do you think about it??  I’d be glad to know.